Measi's Musings

Archive for November, 2004

I’m trying to get this to work with my own website… consider this a post test….

here’s hoping…

How the heck am I supposed to get any NaNo morning writing done when the rocking chair I’m sitting in has a major case of Ass Cat? Observe:

I mean, really… he’s flopped over the back of the chair trying to catch his own tail through the rungs here. And purring as best as he can in a jackknife position where all of the weight is probably on his stomach.

Nevermind the fact that he’s been doing this since he was about six or eight weeks old, and he’s NEVER ONCE CAUGHT IT.

This time he’s whapping me with his elusive tail because I happen to be in the way.

I’ve picked him off and put him down twice. He jumps back up. *sigh*

My cat is very, very strange. And very mentally challenged.

*shakes head*

Diary-X is really beginning to suck.

Must be a sign of the new addition to ownership.

*sigh*

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=11145&item=3938701404&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

No, it’s not the building.

I think I’m getting the fucking bug that Erich’s had this week, and I have a fever.

Dammit.

Well, off to home and find the thermometer.

John? Michelle? I’ll keep you up to speed if I am coming up tonight…

Originally a locked entry on Diary-X

In light of some recent events, I’m deeply considering leaving DX.

The discomfort has been growing with the management for a while, and I don’t feel comfortable sticking around with the behavior over on the forums. Michelle is a fucktard. She’s extremely rude, has an open license to attack anyone she wants without repercussion, and if others toe just a bit out of line, they are of course whipped.

Unfortunately, she’s also the wife of the owner of DX. Which is why it’s futile to really try to do anything about it.

I’ve been a member here since March 2001. Every year, I’ve paid for my account and donated double my “rent” so to speak, out of graciousness for the space. And yes, it’s inexpensive. And yes, I like the features here for the most part.

But most of the people who I was close friends with here on DX have left. Of course, a couple specifically decided I wasn’t worth their time anymore… but that’s a different little rant.

After the Nervousness.org temper tantrum by Stephen in late 2002 (where he just decided out of the blue to shut the site off, no warning, no explanation– just because he felt like it– when people had things of monetary value hanging in the air to send to people), I started backing up all of my entries for Diary-X over on Diaryland. I have a near-identical journal over there– right back to March 29, 2001. I don’t like Diaryland better. I hate the baby pink and blue color with yellow accent color scheme. But unlike DX, there really isn’t the b.s. that is pulled here.

Maybe it’s just because I’m dumb enough to go on the forums. I dunno.

In any case… then Arisia 2003 came around, and I went to a panel on online journaling. EVERYONE… and I mean EVERYONE over there had a livejournal. I met cool people. But they were all connecting via livejournal, and to really keep up with them, I’d have to also go over there. I hated the idea of the elitist must-have-code-to-join bullshit, but got around that with a short paid membership fee. And then, that became a third journal.

See where I’m going here? Yeah, I know. Blogwhore is appropriate here, idn’t it?

Needless to say, my livejournal gets a hell of a lot more traffic and comments than DX or DL put together. I feel like I’m part of a community there. But at the same time, this journal on DX has been my diary “home” for nearly four years.

I guess I just need to think about this. But really, I can’t take too much more of the born-again hypocrite Christian “I’ll get knocked up before we get married” pony show.

I really can’t.

And no, I’m not paying my membership fee in January.

It’s November, right?

That means you turn OFF the air-conditioning, and turn ON the heat. Even just a bit.

My teeth are chattering.

CHATTERING.

That means it’s fucking cold in here. Not cool. Not slightly below room temperature. Not even in the realm of brisk.

When I can FEEL how cold my fingertips are against my arm, it’s fucking cold in here.

Ever since the Red Sox beat the Yankees, I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping at night. I’ve been unusually “roamy” for lack of a better term. And I’m paying for it during the day. I’m surprised that I don’t have keyboard-shaped bruises on my forehead by now.

I’ve been trying to blow off a lot of it as partially being wrapped up in Red Sox fever, and partially because all of a sudden it’s really farking bright in my bedroom in the morning, thanks to the time change. But whatever it is, my body is just protesting in a huge way. Caffeine seems to no longer have any effect on me in the morning. By around two, I’m just dragging.

*sigh* I’m getting old, aren’t I? It’s that whole stereotype about older folks not sleeping as much. I’m getting that condition about 40 years too early.

Gah.

I’m letting myself go for one more week before I call the doctor about it. I’m also going to be monitoring and lessening (gradually) any caffeine intake in the evening. It’s never been a problem before… but again, maybe age has finally caught up to that habit, and I need to find another evening beverage of choice.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

I got absolutely no writing done last night for NaNo. Thankfully, even though I’ve had two of these nights so far in the month (yes, I realize it’s day 5), the days padding them have been very productive 3,000 word days. So aside from yesterday, I’m right on track. I have the weekend to get caught up… and hopefully ahead.

I didn’t plan on not writing last night, but as often happens when I open AIM, I get to talking with someone for hours, and do nothing but chat. It’s odd how I can chat for HOURS on AIM, but try to rush off the phone with everyone. I just hate having that damned thing at my ear, I guess. I had a good chat with Ariestar and Myownwench last night covering a lot of different topics, including a fabulous rendition of an AOL community chat room. (have I mentioned how difficult it is to type improperly… on purpose?)

Anyway, I’m going over to their apartment tonight for some sorority alumni festivities. “Milk and cookies” will be served, to coin the phrase from my undergrad band days. Erich was going to come with me tomorrow, but now I’m not so sure– he’s battling a cold, and really should get some rest so he can celebrate Master Chiefmas properly on November 9th.

(Yes, my boyfriend is a geek and is taking vacation days for Halo 2.)

* ~ * ~ * ~ *

Tomorrow I have my first NaNo coffee chat. Somehow my brain mixed up my times– and what I thought was a noon start is actually a noon ending. It starts at 10 a.m. I’ll have to behave myself a bit this evening so I can get up for it. (and actually write tomorrow, since tonight’s undoubtedly a wash)

For what it’s worth– I’ve already decided that I won’t ML next year. Any move I’m making to put things together have been met with a “why can’t you do something in MY area! Why do I have to go THERE?” (do they realize that I’ll be driving all over the lower half of Massachusetts this month during the weekends to meet with THEM?!?) Dealing with the new site and its horrid layout is bad enough, but I just don’t have patience for the attitudes this year. Sorry… when I asked for contributions on recommended spots, I didn’t HEAR from you. I heard from others, and made recommendations based on those who expressed interest.

These people forget that we’re actually NaNo participants ourselves… and that we’re writing novels, too, and that we’re being ML’s because we love and support the project. And no, I’m not getting paid for being an ML, folks… I do this because I enjoy writing and enjoy the challenge.

So if you’re in NaNo, please be kind to your ML’s.

But yeah– next year, I shall be doing my writing sans meetup obligations. It’s too much of a headache to deal with.

Off to work… gotta get a lot of stupid stuff done, hopefully get an hour of writing in over lunch over at $tarbuck$, and then back to work…

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your normally realistic approach to life now takes a back seat to an expansive and optimistic view of what may be around the corner. Pay attention to your dreams, as they can play an important role in these weeks ahead. This doesn’t mean that it will be easy. You may need to fight for what you want. If you stay clear in purpose and open in heart, you stand a good chance of getting what you seek, even if it doesn’t happen today.

See last entry.

First: I’m more level-headed than I was at this point yesterday morning.

Second: The two people (one troll, one online friend) who basically told me to fuck off…. I’m sorry you don’t recognize a kneejerk rant when you see it. We all have them. Consider what I’ve been praying for for the past four years to happen and what I’ve been activing working to change. You’d have a kneejerk reaction, too, when all of your time and energy didn’t result in what you wanted to happen.

Mind you– that doesn’t translate to “wasted.” The time was most definitely not wasted. To say what would be to ignore and counteract every passion I’ve had about political subjects since the year 2000.

Third: To the one person who demanded that I essentially not exist in their world– I’ve respected your wishes. I disagree, and hope that when you calm down, you’ll change your mind. But that’s your mind to change. *shrug* I hope you eventually realize that, but that’s something you have to do. Until then, I’ve done as a friend would do– and respected your wishes.

Contrary to what many people think about Kerry supporters. I voted FOR Kerry. The disagreements with Bush led me to seek out another candidate. That was the catalyst to look elsewhere. In Kerry’s platform, I found what I considered a reasonable amount of ideals that I agreed with. And the ones that I didn’t agree with were either strongly felt, or in my mind not thinks that I considered cons that outweighed the pros for him. I liked that there would be a representative both of the upper class (Kerry) and someone who came from the lower class and worked his way up (Edwards). We had four options here in Massachusetts for president. I didn’t vote against Bush. I voted FOR Kerry.

He lost. It happens. Someone has to in any vote. And my kneejerk reaction was to be extremely upset, intensified by early morning exhaustion after staying up past midnight the night before, watching the news and hoping and praying…

It didn’t go the way I wanted it to. *shrug* I vented. I move on.

I’m here. I’m not moving to Canada or Australia, or whatever country would take my sorry ass. I survived the past four years of Bush’s presidency. The next four years will be ones that will be frustrating. But as is often said– if you don’t do anything, you can’t bitch. So I will work for what I believe in and do my part to help push liberal ideals forward because it’s what I personally feel is right to do.

I’m a woman, a Pagan, and extremely pro-choice (for obvious reasons). I have gay relatives, gay friends, and parents of friends who are gay. I live in the great state of Massachusetts which has recongized equal marriage rights for everyone. I am an adoptee with divorced parents. I over-criticize myself to do the right thing all the time. I donate to the police charity fund. I donate to Children International, where I sponsor a girl in the Dominican Republic and a girl in India. And I donate platelets, which save peoples lives.

I will continue to fight for what I believe in and try to make this world a better place.

If that bursts your bubble and rubs you the wrong way, hey… I respect that. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to change for you. I have friends and relatives who are extremely conservative, carry guns, think abortion should be illegal, and perhaps even think privately that I’m a sorry human being for the faith that I hold. As long as they don’t publically kick me specifically, for having different beliefs than them, we’re all cool. NO ONE believes in the exact thing another person does. We’re not clones.

For those who think I’m demon scum and should go to hell for my beliefs… I’m bringing the throw pillows to decorate the hell couch and my stash of drinks for the inevitable fantastic party. I’ll have a lot of company from wonderful, hardworking, lifeloving people of all creeds, religions, and nationalities.

Off to work and face the day. Because it’s a beautiful bright one out there– and I’m going to go out there with my eyes looking dead ahead.

Four more years of the dictator

Four more years of the disgusting, self-righteous swagger

Four more years of arrogance, destroying any remaining respect we have around the world

Four more years of thinly-veiled theocracy

To the good ol’ boys and rednecks of this nation – fuck off.

To the educated folks who voted for Bush – shame on you.

And I”m counting on both a draft and another country invaded within two years.

I’m just terrified and sick for this nation.

And I’ve started writing.

This year I’m not going to be updating my NaNo journal– I couldn’t make it work for two years. I might reflect on it later after NaNo is done, but for the time being I just am going to concentrate on actually doing the writing and trying to be a good ML.

Plus, I am hoping this year to write something that I can actually work with and actually try to get published. Which means I can’t post it online anyway.

However, if anyone really wants to read the completely messy, disorganized rough draft at the end of November, just drop a line and I’ll be happy to send it to you– provided that you promise to give some suggestions for improvement (either tightening or expanding on scenes).

And for concept– I have returned to my main character from 2002 NaNo (Raven). Last year she kept thumping my head in November. Apparently she has a story to tell me. So this year I’m just going to let her talk and see how the words flow.