Measi's Musings

Archive for March, 2007

Erich came home yesterday. Although I’m a bit concerned about that decision, I can recognize that he just needed to be in familiar surroundings to start the grieving process. He told me that if his mom were conscious, he’d have decided differently. But he feels there’s nothing he can do there, and I think he needs to retreat for a while.

The doctors called Erich early this morning and asked him permission to remove his mom’s ventilator. They believe it’s the only thing keeping her alive at this point. Her lungs are failing, her heart is failing, and her kidneys have shut down.

Erich gave them permission, of course. There’s no reason to prolong her life at this point with artificial means. Her body is not responding to any treatment. They still can’t find the source of the infection that has caused her sepsis. The fluids via IV are just pooling.

Nature will take over and decide as it will.

Erich wanted to be alone today, so I’m at work. I drove in to make sure I had full control over my departure from Boston (i.e. not relying on train schedules) when the call comes.

So yeah… that’s where things stand.

*sigh*

Erich’s heading up to Maine now, per doctor recommendations. As of now, I’ll plan on joining him for the weekend. That of course may change at any second. One way or the other, I think one of my first chores tonight will be heading to Lowes to get some extra keys for my house made to give to friends in case I need to drop and run.

The medical staff has not been able to find the source of infection– at this point, it’s internal, but they don’t know where. She’s going into a full body scan today.

Her heart is working at 25% capacity, and her blood pressure remains dangerously low. They want to rest her heart, but can’t do that without risking losing ground on her blood pressure. It seems that that’s the recurring theme… everything they can do will result in losing ground elsewhere.

In any case, for the time being I’m serving as contact point for those who want to know what’s going on so Erich can focus on his mother.

- Mel.

Sunday morning, I was ready to sit down and write a fairly happy entry because I was feeling quite well. I watched the JFK Carrier make its final port of call before being decommissioned next week only a few short blocks from my office (where it’s still sitting, although it was supposed to leave today). Work’s going well. I’m catching up on my finances. And Erich and I are doing well.

Then Erich got a call from his uncle. His mother is seriously ill. And as of right now, it’s looking a bit grim.

His mom has been struggling for the better part of a year now. She shattered her leg last year, resulting in her being in traction for a while. She developed some side infections– and with diabetes complicating her healing, it’s been a very rocky, nasty road ever since. She’s been in resident care for months. But a couple months ago, things were looking brighter– she had a new doctor. She was able to go home once a week. It looked like she would be heading back to her apartment for good.

And then this weekend, she went south again. A new infection, which has resulted in sepsis. She’s in the ICU, had to be knocked out because as her lucidity disappeared, she started messing with her IV. She’s now on a ventilator. The doctor’s not sugarcoating things. Things are not looking good.

Erich wisely took today off to make sure things are in order. Months ago, Erich’s mom gave him power of attorney status over her affairs. He’s been in steady contact with the hospital, getting updates. He’s been discussing all of his mom’s finances and state of affairs with his uncle, who lives next door to her. It’s frightening to think about having to make such arrangements, but he’s right to do so now.

Part of the problem is that for the better part of the year, he’s relied on his mom to tell him what’s going on. She told him flat out she didn’t want him coming up to Maine, as she wasn’t able to move much and didn’t want a visit to be a depressing event of sitting around in a resident home. Whether or not she knew how bad things are, we’re not sure. But I’ve been pushing him to get up to Maine to see her and get a sense of things with his own eyes now. He feels powerless. He’s not sure what he can do, given that she’s unconscious at the moment. And to a point, I can understand that. I know that a good portion of me would want to figure out a way to spend days by my mom’s bedside, though. But I have that odd “I can will her back” dream about me, as stupid as it might be.

So anyway… I’ll probably be quiet here for a few days. If you have ways of sending some extra healing energies… I know Erich’s mom can use them… and Erich can, too.

- Mel.