I’m not exactly one who rejoices during the holiday season.  For the most part, it’s overwhelming to me – the parties, the insanity at the malls, the expectation to be cheery at all times and what not.  If anything, I struggle with more depression than normal during December – and most of it is holiday overload.  The fact that it begins earlier and earlier every year?  By this time of the year, it’s torture.  I nearly lost it with the chaos at the mall on Friday night when we went to see Tron.  The crowds were just so overwhelming, and I still hadn’t quite recovered from my claustrophobia during the fun, but very crowded, office party the night before.

I do try to avoid dealing with the holidays for as long as humanly possible.  If need be, I’ll pay the extra money for overnight shipping just so I can avoid dealing with it – because  I know once I make a step out into the world of “Holiday Season,” it will consume time until the 25th.  So as always, I’m doing gifts… this week.  I still haven’t started on cards, although I expect I’ll get them done this week, too.  (IMHO, as long as they’re out by New Years, I consider them on time).

I think part of the frustration is pure loneliness.  Among most of my friends, I never get acknowledgments for my religious holidays, even though theirs are always surrounded by celebration and joy (and my good wishes to them).  Yule, like other Pagan holidays, passes with barely a thought – and certainly few comments from the non-Pagans in my circle of friends (who know I am Pagan).  Even if I make a comment on Facebook to wish others a happy so-and-so, nothing is returned.  I don’t think it’s anything personal against me, but still… it’s one of those things that just makes me retreat just that little bit more.  I get that my faith is not seen as real or valid by a significant chunk of the population.  I’ve gotten that for years. But dammit, it would be nice to get some acknowledgment from the friends who have known me for half my life – during which time I have always been Pagan.

I will say this – I’ve only had one run-in with the fundie “Jesus is the Reason for the Season” obnoxiousness so far.  I replied very quickly with “Goddess bless you,” and kept walking.

Perhaps a good sitting for Yule will make me feel better.