I had a pseudo three-day weekend thanks to doctors appointments (and additional unexpected appointments) on Friday, yet I still feel like I’m completely behind on everything. I had a list to get accomplished on Friday – that was thrown out the window due to scheduling… but I still managed to get about half of it done. Since then, I’ve managed to get some things done around the house, got a couple of errands done, yet I still cannot seem to get myself to feel accomplished.
This is a problem. It’s really weighing on me lately, and I cannot figure out how to get out of this slump.
Is this the beginning of the Mommy Slump? The “I need to do everything or I’m not a good mom” pressure?
Because really? I don’t want to be the perfect mom. I’m well aware that it’s an unattainable goal, and that the right goal is just to be the best mom that I’m able to be by being myself. I could care less if my house is perfectly organized, if I’m keeping up with the Joneses, or whatever. I think Erich and I will be awesome parents as Max gets older – we love to play, we are huge geeks and encourage creativity (seriously… this kid’s going to be encouraged to play Dungeons & Dragons, video games, go to geek conventions, and goof around in the yard with boffer weapons… and his parents will happily join in…) My goals are to be able to find clothes in the morning, to hopefully not step on cat litter that’s been tossed out of the box from the felines, and maybe, MAYBE feel like it’s okay to take an hour and stitch in the evenings without feeling guilty for sitting still.
I have a happy, healthy baby boy. I have an awesome husband. I have a great extended family, including relatives that we’re rebuilding connections with. Money is tight, but that’s something everyone deals with. I’m very aware that we’re not that typical of a family – we’re pretty eccentric. We’re crazy cat people. We quote movies as part of normal conversation – and our friends understand and respond in the same way. We concern people sometimes with how natural our geekiness is. But that’s just who we are. Geek is cool – to us at least.
Really… life is good. I know this.
So why the hell do I feel so pressured about this? Why do I feel like I’m failing?
Maybe I’m just crazy. I dunno. Maybe I just need to find some small ways to tweak daily life so it’s a little easier.
Or maybe I actually am a bit too lazy and need to kick myself into gear.