Can you believe it’s been a year?

I love you so much, and I don’t say it as often as I should. I try, instead, to show you how I love you through my actions, through those small grasps on your thumb that you get amused by, or the gentle squeezes once in a while, doing household chores, or through chili and turkey and other food experiments that seem to be successful. You eat them, anyway… so if they are truly awful, I’m glad you’re not brusing my cooking trial too much.

You make me feel like the luckiest woman on Earth, Erich. Knowing that at the end of difficult days I’ll be returning to a home that’s loving and secure and, messes aside, a completely healthy relationship is something I know not all women (or men) get to experience. I know I’m far from perfect as a human being, yet you’re always telling me that within our little family circle, I am. (I still don’t believe you, of course… but I think that’s mostly to prevent myself from getting an overinflated ego).

And actually, I think I am the luckiest woman on Earth. I have you.

You remind me to laugh at myself, you encourage me to always improve myself, and you watch amusingly as I go through fandom addictions just like I am amused at yours. We’re so frighteningly alike in so many ways, yet different enough that we can challenge and complement each other. I hope that I am as good a wife to you as you are a husband to me.

While growing up, I was convinced that I’d never find someone because I was just so geeky and atypical. I never was into the girly stuff at all – no Barbies, hated makeup, could care less about fashion or hairstyles, despised all of the fangirl b.s. (for the most part, anyway). I preferred sci-fi, computers, dirt bikes, losing myself in books and scraping my knees as I went exploring the sandstone cliffs near the house. And even now, as you know, I’m not all that keen on being girly most of the time. To find a guy that not only tolerates that but loves so many of the things that I enjoy – I am truly blessed.

Happy first anniversary, hon. I love you and am thankful every day that we’re together.

The Kiss!!
Originally uploaded by measi.

The drive down to Bristol was prettier than I remembered it being. Granted, it was an absolutely amazing day – crystal clear sky, no humidity, everything bright and cheerful and just out of a postcard. We arrived at the farm just after 5 – not long after the groomsmen did. As I saw kilts moving across the opposite end of the field, I quickly scooted over to the cocktail hour cabin to hide from Erich (given that I was a bit obvious wearing white and all). We gushed over the beautiful bouquets my florist had created (all I’d given her were the colors I’d prefer – I was amazed… but more on that in a little while). We stood on the deck and admired the view, took a few pictures, and just relaxed until it was time.

Through all of this, I was feeling very calm. Oddly calm. As in “I’m here to witness someone else getting married” calm.

But then we lined up to make the walk up the aisle. And then the music started – Storybook Love from The Princess Bride, and we started walking – my dad on one side of me, and my mom on the other. And my brain just shut down. I barely remember seeing people along the aisle. My knees were shaking, and my anxiety was blown full open, and all I could do to keep moving was stare at Erich (who was beaming back at me). I know I gave my dad a kiss, and then everything began.

And it was a swirl of words. Our friend Tony had hand-written the entire ceremony we’d emailed him the week before into a beautiful little journal (which he presented to us later). All I could do was smile at Erich. I’m very thankful that I knew I’d never remember my vows if I’d decided to memorize them. As it was, I started repeating them early because of my nerves (getting a chuckle out of everyone). That, oddly enough, was what finally calmed me down.

But for those curious, here’s our little wedding ceremony, in its entirety:

Tony: Welcome. We are gathered here today on this beautiful fall evening to witness the joining of Melissa and Erich in marriage. Melissa and Erich, have you both come here willingly?

Tony: And I present to you for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Erich and Melissa Krueger!

We bounced away down the aisle to the Monkee’s I’m a Believer (because really… it practically was written for the two of us, recent Shrek usage aside). And as we got halfway across the lawn, I finally exclaimed “Holy shit we’re married!” Much to the amusement of those who were in earshot, of course. I specifically remember Michelle cracking up.

Now, here I’ll stop for a moment and gush about my bouquet – because it was absolutely perfect. Everything was in deep reds – a center Calla lily, with four of those beautiful deep red (with almost a purplish edge) roses, a blend of seasonal mums, all surrounded by reddish-purple (!) hydrangeas. No filler in any of the bouquets – all were full of flowers! Melinda hung mine up to dry afterwards, and it will take a carefully guarded place behind glass here in my office as shelf decor where the cats can’t get to it.

Everyone went off to the cocktail hour, while Erich and I were off for formal photo shoots with our bridal party and parents. There’s one particular shot that I’m looking forward to seeing from our photographer – the Scots on a Rock shot (with all of the kilted men in a row on the rock). We have lots of shoes pictures and hopefully a good chunk of silly pictures as well. I was laughing for the better part of the rest of the night.

The two of us opened the clambake at 7 by ringing a big dinner bell hung on the side of the tent, and our amazing caterer had everyone gather round the big cooking pit to describe how everything was done – over rocks and seaweed and steaming. And then we were introduced, went into our first dance (which revealed to everyone how Erich and I just do not dance) to In Your Eyes by Peter Gabriel, and then we sat down for two beautiful toasts by Tone (best man) and Melinda (maid of honor). After that – the feast of clams, mussels, lobster, johnnycake bread, smoked codfish, sausages, corn on the cob, and potatoes commenced.

Oh yes, we feasted. And it was all good.

The dance floor opened, and as expected, there was no need to encourage this crowd to get up and dance. We received a bunch of compliments all evening regarding our DJ, who played a fantastic mix of classic standards and more modern dance songs to keep everybody moving. The floor was jumping all night. I danced a bit toward the end of the evening, but for most of the night both Erich and I were flitting around talking to people (as. IMHO, all good bridal couples should do at their receptions). Between the two of us, I don’t think we missed anybody – but I’ll be dropping everyone a note in the mail over the next few weeks anyway just to make sure.

Dad and I then danced to the song he selected – which is one of my lifelong favorites… What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. My dad, ever being my dad, was singing and being a bit goofy as we danced. It was perfect and very us.

Our cake was soooo delicious. We picked a vanilla cake with strawberry and whipped cream filler layers, all covered with buttercream frosting. Oh, god it was delicious. We did our cake cutting to Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra (famous for being the theme song for Married with Children… as soon as it was recognized, we got a LOT of laughs). We were both well-behaved. No cake smooshing here!

After that, it was lots of dancing until around 10:30, when everything had to wrap up. The final dance of the night was, as tradition for me since high school, The Dance by Garth Brooks. I’ve had a few people ask why I picked a song about breakups (both in person and livejournal), so I feel the need to explain this one a bit. First – it was always the last dance of the night for every formal dance in high school (of which there were many… because we had nothing else to do). And also, it’s never been a song about breakups to me – it’s been a song about accepting the hardships in your past and embracing them as lessons that carry you into the unknown – and hopefully brighter – future – very fitting for Erich and I, considering our lives during this past year. The entire song is summed up to me in these lines – “Our lives are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.”

Your viewpoint may vary, of course… but yeah, that’s my take on it. And it’s just a pretty song.

As the music died down, the group of Tau Beta Sigma sisters still in attendance carried on the Boston University pep band tradition, starting up a rousing round of “Hey Baby” to end the night. My dad was highly amused (having watched the BU band in action a few tims), and many of the other relatives looked on impressed. And then all of the Sisters gathered together, and we sang the TBS National Hymn (with harmony, even!) It’s the first time I can recall ever singing it outside of a sisters-only event. Absolutely tickled me. I hope it becomes a tradition at all future Sister weddings. Really, truly. Needs. to. happen.

And then we all said goodbye – hugging everyone as they went off to their cars or back to the vans. Erich and I got into the Bentley and were whisked away to our hotel for the night…

where we collasped in bed, reading our guestbook pages and absently watching Crocodile Dundee on the midnight movie for about an hour before passing out.

It was an absolutely amazing day. Neither of us could have asked for better – we know that Erich’s mom was looking out for us by giving us the beautiful weather. And we’re still bopping around the house in amazement that we pulled this wedding together!

Thus ends the recap… but for all of the photos added to the photoshare to date, pop over here: http://www.flickr.com/groups/melanderich/

Yay!

Mel and Erich
Originally uploaded by measi.

Four days later, I’m still swirling through everything that happened this weekend and just keep looking at it in awe. Seriously – I cannot believe everything went so well. Nor can Erich, for that matter. After months and months of planning, frustration, and unexpected hardships – the entire weekend went without a hitch. Well, except for the hitching that was meant to happen. That hitching went as intended!

So sit back with a cuppa – because it was a long, busy weekend full of fun and insanity. Lots to tell.

If I were to give one piece of advice to an upcoming bride who is planning her wedding on her own, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to choose bridesmaids that can help you with delegated planning and provide you emotional support as needed through everything. I would never have gotten through it all if I hadn’t had Melinda, Ivanna, and Maria by my side. Whether finding resources for vendors (photos and hair especially) or just providing emotional calming or hugs , all three were incredibly helpful.

The weekend festivities kicked off on Friday with a girls’ day out and my bachelorette party. Morning full-body massages, followed by lunch at the pub, followed by manicures and pedicures. I desperately needed that massage – it turned out that Ivanna found a holistic massage place only about a mile from my house! (yay… somewhere to go back to!) Quite heavenly. I was very worried about having my nails done – being the tomboy geek that I am, I’d never had my nails professionally done in my life. No idea what to expect. The result is very pretty. It looks very strange to me to have fingernails, as I am a chronic biter. I’m still wearing them, although I find it fairly difficult to do things and really do miss having sensation in my fingertips when I touch things. I think the lack of touch sensation is probably the most disconcerting. But at least for big events, I know I can do this. And Erich really likes them – so for now, I’ll deal.

The bachelorette party was a very wild evening at the house. There were nine of us present, and the evening was full of fun but very silly games like “pin the penis on the man” (John and Rodney nicknamed the guy on the poster “sad boy” and gave him some chest hair with a sharpie). We had a penis piñata, a yummy cake from Sweet and Nasty cake shop in Boston, and after everything else – a crazy round of karaoke on my wall on the X-Box. One of the funnier events (that I’m comfortable sharing photos of, anyway) was Fizzy grabbing one of the penis whistles from the piñata horde and whapping it around the dining room. She managed to pick it up in her paws and lick it – sending the entire party to the floor laughing.

Saturday was the Unrehearsal Dinner in my backyard. We had 40 people over – family, friends, and the wedding party. It was the first time all of my relatives had seen my house – and so many people loved it. I was thrilled! We had tons of good food for everyone – lots of family favorites from both families were blended. So we had ribs and potato salad and chili mixed with pierogi and galumpkies, plus desserts and the obligatory shots of celebratory vodka. A good time was had by all with chatting well into the evening.

And then Sunday arrived with a brilliant blue sky.

I spent the first hour of my wedding day sprawled out on my bed, staring out the window at the trees, not really thinking about anything in particular – but making sure that I didn’t allow myself to fall into the “omgimgettingmarriedtoday” freaking out that easily could have taken place. I was oddly calm. It felt like just another day.

By 11 a.m., the girls and I were on our way to Providence Place, where I popped over to the Laura Mercier counter at Nordstrom. Maria popped over to the MAC counter, and both of us got our faces put on. By noon, we were on our way over to my mom’s hotel where we all got our hair done by my wonderful new hairstylist, Lynda. My photographer, Michelle, arrived at two and was just everywhere, taking fun pictures and laughing over the scrapboook that the girls had already put together of the Friday festivities.

3:30 p.m. came, and it was time for me to start getting ready. With my mom watching, Melinda helped me get into my dress in about 15 minutes. Back to the secondary room for some quick final touches on the hair, add a veil and tiara, plus a bit more lipstick, and I was ready to go.

I walked down the hall to find most of my family standing in the lobby, waiting to board the limo and shuttle bus we’d rented (dark windy roads + unfamiliar drivers + open bar at wedding is not a good mix).

And that’s when the nerves hit. All of a sudden, reality just slammed me and I got all fluttery. Everyone boarded the transportation. Mom, Dad, and I got into the ’57 Bentley, and off we went toward Mount Hope Farm.

Part 2 coming soon… just typing it now!

Holy crap I’m married!

More details will come later… BUT… it went beautifully. Amazing weather, fabulous food, fantastic guests – it was an amazing evening.

I’m farking EXHAUSTED. So the longer recap will come probably Wednesday or so. Our last guests are leaving tomorrow, and Erich will be filling the house with the sounds of Halo 3 (he’s out buying it now)… so I need some recoup time first.

But yeah… so weird.

Oh, and for my friends/familly who read my blog and who came? I’ve set up a Flickr group for photosharing… Please friend http://www.flickr.com/groups/melanderich/ and send your photos.. ’cause I’d love to make a real blog announcement ‘n stuff.

heading to bed now…

- the old married lady

In bed last night, Erich turned to me and said point blank, “We’re getting married in 40 days.”

And my stomach flipped over. Both in excitement and dread.

Mostly in dread.

I’m getting really sick of the dread. I’m getting married. I should be happy. I should be all girly and giggly and bouncing.

And I’m not. Instead, I’m angry and crazy and absolutely bone-numblingly exhausted. I’ve gone beyond the point of exhaustion and frustration with everything where I could allow myself a good cry to let things out (been there, done that… like, a dozen times. It doesn’t help).

And I feel really, really guilty for it. Because it’s making me kick myself and question whether I’m being selfish or unappreciative that my parents are essentially paying for 90% of this shindig and becoming the bridezilla that I vowed I would. not. become.

And on top of everything, the stress and frustration has now been developing into somatic symptoms – I’ve had intestinal issues for over three weeks. Two days ago I developed one of my dreaded bronchitis coughs. And with the last two weeks having been slammed with work insanity, I’m now frantically trying to get hairstyle planning done five weeks out from this whole thing. Erich has thankfully taken on the task of contacting our massive RSVP no-show list, because honestly? I just can’t handle it anymore.

And I’m resenting every moment of the stress. Absolutely RESENTING it.

This is not good.

/completely cranky, exhausted bridezilla rant